We call ourselves Moldies, yes with an "ie". We are the 25% whose bodies cannot clear the poison certain mold produces. We are invisible to your eye. We are told we are crazy. We are told we need toxic meds to alleviate symptoms. We know there is something bigger. For some of us a sixth sense takes charge and whispers that our doctor is wrong. There is something more to the vast symptoms.
This will be an ongoing page sharing thoughts about my sickness. There will be no order just as there is no order to this illness. It will not be my whole story, but puzzle pieces of a illness which is not curable. It means a lifetime of avoidance and detoxing. Each of us who learns our invader's name is mycotoxicosis takes the red pill as Neo did in the Matrix. Our eyes are opened to the fact that there are roots to illness, to the fact that our healthcare system is failing, to the fact that our environment and food supply are tainted with toxins, to the fact that some of the "truths" about our world are not true at all. We are on a quest for wellness and answers and a better way to live, for no one can ever say to us again "At least you have your health." We don't have it, genetically we never did. There is no turning back. Many of us are choosing to find a better way to live to make up for the fact that we don't "at least have our health", but we do still have our lives. While we are not whole because our immune system is not, we are learning how to be whole while still being broken.
This is the Genesis of My Red Pill Revelation.
September 19, 2014
Groundhog Day.
Each morning I awoke in what we call brain fog. It is much like a really bad hangover, as it is the toxic effect in our liver and brain. I would blink heavily a few times looking around to see where I was. I focused my brain to figure out what day it was, but didn't always know and turned to my husband to ask. If he was gone from bed, I knew I was already late for something. I stretched the fingers of my memory to put the pieces of my day together. What do I have to do right now? Pack lunches? Go to work? Pay bills? God, I can't remember. I achingly got out of bed, shuffled to the calendar to help me focus on days, dates, life. Okay, get through the next hour, doing whatever task is the urgent morning routine. On school days, watch the kids leave and then get in the shower and cry knowing I was losing my mind and trying to hide it the best I could until I figured out why everyday felt like starting over.
When it happened I hated it. I hated feeling confused and hungover in the mornings. I hated that I didn't feel safe driving my children to school. I hated waiting for the fog to lift until I could make myself focus on my day again and feel aware and normal enough to be a safe driver. The fuzziness rarely lasted the whole day, but for some it does. Today, I look back and think that living each day like Groundhog Day maybe wasn't so bad. While most days were hard ones, each day was a new one. A new opportunity to find the name to my sickness, a new day to love my family more because I did wake up. I rarely feel so shitty in the morning anymore, and today's clarity has given me a new perspective. It's kind of like being a new parent when you start to realize that some days the best you can do is survive minute by minute. One minute tick by tock until bedtime. I'm working to approach life this way more. Each day is a new one, a new chance, and all I can do is the best I can each one of them. My best is not as good as it once was, but I do not give up.
Symptom list in no particular order. I will add on as I go, as I remember.
9.19.14
brain fog, joint pain, arterial inflammation, urinary burning, side splitting abdominal pain, confusion, anxiety, edema, short term memory loss, forgetfulness, fatigue ten times over that of having a newborn, low blood pressure, high blood pressure, tingling fingers and toes, moles which swell and bleed, boil-like wounds on my neck and back, acne, strange little rashes, sweating, being cold, rage, depression, mania, dry cough, itching, photophobia, rejection of sun rays, numbness and tingling in my back, scalp soreness, inability to lose weight, you thinking I am crazy
chicken or the egg? PCOS, Hashimoto Thyroiditis
chicken or the egg? PCOS, Hashimoto Thyroiditis
