Welcome to my ummm... really? nods and awards page! I didn't want to include these posts with the main part of my blog as these are likely going to be me ranting. These are those moments, the random acts of WT-Efness that I notice. Sadly, I know I need a whole page for these. Laugh, think, agree or not but this is how I see things.
September 3, 2014 Ummm... REALLY?
Put the Phone Down, You're Not That Cool: lessons from sitting in the pews of our son's back-to-school night
Hey Moms!(Dads pay attention too but I saw no guilt on your behalf last night)
When the person who spent hours preparing to welcome us asks you to turn off your cell phones, please LISTEN and do it. Okay, if you are so worried that your babysitter will suddenly panic and have an emergency, leave it on vibrate in your pocket. Later I want you to think about if you need a new sitter, one with whom you feel comfortable handling your child's emergency that just so happened to occur for the hour you attended their back-to-school night. You must be terrified when you go on a date.
This was our fifth one at our church's preschool. I know the drill. I know the gist of what will be said, BUT I STILL WANT TO LISTEN without the distraction of you facebooking, instagram-ing, texting, searching the googles and interwebbing, sports score checking, contact deleting, snap chatting, learning new stickers and emoticons, watching your nanny-cam, making a shopping list, emailing, re-organizing your play list, smiling at pictures of your children, selfie-taking to show how cute you looked at back-to-school night or whatever it was you thought was more important than being present. Just as a tip, back-to-school night is NOT mandatory. If you have pressing matters which cannot be ignored for that hour, please do us all a favor and pay your sitter to watch your child or children while you take care of business. We'll see you in the car line and please you better not be in it at the wrong time. You may have missed it while you were scrolling, but the schedule was reviewed in detail - down to the minute and impressively recited by our Director.
I noticed the new world order of parenting paranoia has increased the number of questions parents ask. Digression warning! HEY, I'm not judging anyone by using the word paranoia. This world and all of its new dangers have pretty much turned us, the parenting population, into a bunch of worried, bi-polar control freaks. Remember when your mother, okay my mother, closed the door with you, I mean me, on the other side and said go outside and play for awhile? How many of us would do that without our child having a cell phone and without watching out the window the whole time? How many of us grab our children's arms like a utility vise when we walk briskly toward those Target doors? How many of us panic when we see any child without a helmet or any teen zipping along on a skateboard or worse - when an unexpected visitor knocks on our door? Sheesh how many of us are worried that our kids won't know how to make a secondary color or write a sentence by the time he or she hits Kindergarten? That could affect their chances of getting into a good magnet high school you know, let alone college.
So when it comes to school, we don't want to let our children down. We don't want to make a mistake and be known as "that mom", which is some fictional judgment that lives in our overly busy minds. We want to know every detail so we can be perfect, ah, ever so perfect. You know what? I am a mom who has been late for drop-off and pick-up, despite knowing the times. I am a mom who has been late with tuition. I'm even a mom who forgot to put the boy's lunch in his bag one day, or maybe two? Once I even dropped off with my shirt inside out. I hope I didn't scar my son emotionally that day. Lesson number 1: If you do anything which causes an inconvenience to anyone at the school or your child, say you are sorry. More importantly, MEAN it, think about why it may have affected someone else's day. Lesson number 2: It's ok. If you are doing the best job you are able, forgive yourself for not being that perfect soccer mom you wanted to be. With that said, turn that damn phone off when someone politely asks for you to respect their time! And um... really? They shouldn't need to ask.
So what, you've been there before and don't want to listen to people asking about specific drop off and pick up times down to the minute, what kind of lunch is acceptable, where to park if they do walk their child in or any other detail which someone feels they need to be in control as they enter a new time in their child's life? It can be scary sending your child out into the world. It was cute to me because it is our sixth back-to-school night here, because I know this staff is outstanding to "Oregon Ridge and back one gazillion times" (my son's words when he needs a description bigger than his vocabulary) and because I know he is in caring, outstanding hands. You see, I still wanted to listen to all the questions and answers. You know why? Because if someone in the hall asks me what time drop off is, I can now give them the official answer 8:55 to 9:08, not 9:09, not 9:10. They want us there by 9:08 and I'm telling you they mean it. The system works. Now, if I overhear someone wondering why the school doesn't want us to send hot lunches, it is because of state regulation I can say.
So lady who dressed so cutely for the evening, you were in my peripheral vision and every time I looked directly at our Director, I could see you and it made me turn my head and want to shake it at you - you call that SMH, yes? It made me want to say "Excuse me, I'll ask the mom who is taking notes in her black and white composition book to make a copy for you so you can step outside." It made me want to stand on the pew bench looking to the heavens before I look to our Director and say "O Captain! My Captain!" I am listening! YES I WILL send in box tops! YES I WILL save my printer cartridges! YES I will try harder this year with the fundraiser! And YES...I...DID register my Target RedCard so this amazing school gets FREE MONEY! We CAN DO (Seabee nod) better than a $500 (wow!) check from the big red bulls eye. And now I imagine everyone standing as we slow clap like in Not Another Teen Movie because it IS the right moment. Our director maps out the routes to our classrooms. She blushes and thanks all of us for our support and shifts credit off to her wonderful friend and stellar co-worker Assistant Director and the brilliant teachers who are waiting for us. As if! I sat and listened the best I could.
Here's the deal. We have a deli. I see you cell phone zombies from the service side of the table. You may not realize it but when your kid doesn't listen to you because he's playing his or her PSP, XBox, IPad, IPhone, tablet, Leap Pad or whatever, you taught them that. You are teaching them that it is ok to be self-absorbed, that at public events, meetings, conferences, jobs, school, plane rides, grocery stores and the almighty Target that it is acceptable to be disrespectful. You are teaching them that what they want to do is more important than putting down that screen to show common courtesy to others. The person on the other side of that text should know that you will respond when you are able though it may not be instantaneously. I have a BRILLIANT idea - tell that text-aholic friend of yours that you will call them later so you can give them your full attention. Won't it be more fun telling the story about how you got drenched walking to your car which you parked so far away? They will giggle when you describe how everyone ran out of there dodging the Armageddon-like lightning and cringing at the eardrum-bursting thunder. Now you know whom you can out-run in case Zombieland comes true. Won't it be grand to hear them laugh instead of reading "LOL"? Anyway, please do not be surprised when your children ignore you or when their teacher tells you at their conference that your child, your precious perfect baby, is not a good listener. And honey, that is not ADHD. That is poor manners. We are responsible for teaching those. Our teachers are there to reinforce them, not start from scratch.
Lesson 3: If we want to be heard when it's our turn to talk, we must show our children how to listen. We must teach them that everyone's effort and time is worth our attention even when we've heard it a thousand times before, even when someone we really love might text us, even when it's someone there just for the moment - like a cashier, a UPS driver, a banker, a server, the man who held the door for you. You may even be surprised when we really listen by hearing something new - kind of like looking at a Where's Waldo book.
The title? About nine years ago, to raise money for charity, our deli had stickers printed which said "Put the Phone Down, You're Not That Cool". We have watched our culture become more and more obsessed and inconsiderate with phones. I'm not saying we are never guilty of this crime. I'm saying watching others commit it reminds me to offend less and listen more. So I am begging you, please put that phone down a bit more often and listen to those who are requesting your attention. In a perfect world, they wouldn't have to ask.
